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Talking to My Son About Crime

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  crime @ 6 years, 6 months ago.

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  • #1255 Reply

    Maru Quevedo
    Keymaster

    Okay, my son is still pretty young right now, however, I think about how crazy the world can be and I know at some point I have to tell him about crime and help him understand about being safe and stuff.  However, I don’t really know how to go about doing this.  I never really learned about everything that could happen, just the big stuff (murder, kidnapping etc.), so I learned a lot of the small things (that eventually became big) on my own by trial and error.  The last thing I want to do is sit around and share all of my war stories with him.  I worry too that doing that could make him want to experience the bad part of life himself, and I never want him to be hurt or anything like that, not even just for the experience.  Does anyone have some tips and advice that I can use to talk to my son about crime and really discourage him from doing it?  I remember my friends were really bad when they were teenagers and one of the things they always said was that their parents had done those things, so they had a right to try them too.  I know that he’s going to have to make his own choices one day, but I’d rather he not make the same bad ones I did if I can help it.  So I don’t know if telling him about my life will send him in the right direction or the wrong one.

  • #1257 Reply

    norton_n

    You're right to be concerned about how to talk to your son.  Parents love to say things like do as I say, not as I do, however, children do as you do until they decide who they are as individuals.  I think at a certain point, you're going to have to be honest with your son, but I think the most important thing here is that he understand that his actions have consequences and they could be even worse than the consequences that you experienced.

    I was going through these same types of fears in regards to talking with my daughter and this wonderful show came out called "Beyond Scared Straight."  It comes on A& E and they take kids into the jails and show them that what could seem like an innocent, fun choice to a teen or tween and what can come from it.  Some of the people incarcerated are in jail just for being in a car when the riders decided to rob someone without their knowledge, or they were too drunk to see how it was wrong for them to do that.  Some of them accidentally killed someone in a simple bar fight.  It shows without a shadow of a doubt that just going to one party, or smoking one joint or getting in one fight can land you in a horrible place.  None of the criminals state that it was worth it to be where they are.  Jail is a miserable, miserable place and the show conveys that well.  I personally think that they should offer the series for sale for parents and school administrators to use.

  • #1258 Reply

    a seeker of security

    No one is untouchable, I have been on both sides of the prison fence.

  • #1259 Reply

    joe_r82

    The first step to talking to your son about crime is first asking him about it.  I agree with Norton that "Beyond Scared Straight," is an excellent show.  Nothing motivates like real consequences.  I think part of the reason that people make mistakes is that they are just not fully informed of the consequences that can come from things.  I think when you talk to your son about crime, you will be surprised to find that he knows more than you think he does and that he has his own opinions. 

    A good time to open up discussions is if you guys are watching the news.  It's unfortunate that so many things happen and are covered in the news, but this helps your son to see real things that are going on in the world.  I'd like to tell you that if your son is only 5 or 6 years old that you don't have to tell him anything about crime, but criminals target kids. 

    The local pot dealer might be smiling at him every day standing outside of your local 7/11 while your son gets on the bus.  Your son sees his nice clothes and pretty girlfriend and a seed is planted.  When you son goes out into the world, the world is interested in him and they are not that concerned about you.  They want to know what they can get out of him.  Gang members also target young people in elementary school and try to recruit them.  I like to tell parents that you never know who is trying to charm your child unless you are really trying to be active in their lives.  You have to try to make sure you know what's going on at his or her school and after school programs.  Keep in mind that crime is not just violence.  It is also drug use, theft, financial fraud, vandalism and so much more.

    Anything that can land your child in jail is considered crime.  I remember I got a pretty big shock a few years back.  I was a considerable partier in those days and never thought anything of working hard 5 days a week and having a blast on the weekends. I got into this relationship with this girl who just seemed to bring the argumenter out of me.   Mix that, add alcohol and stir….. >:(

    We had several arguments outside of bars and one day I was starting to walk home from the bar and cops came up to me and put cuffs on me.  I was like, "Dude, what's going on?"  And they arrested me for drunk in public/drunk and disorderly.  I didn't even know that was a crime!  There was no physical fight or anything and this dude just locked me up.  I couldn't believe it.

    It's important for kids to know that every single thing has a consequence, and it's important for them to know what can land them in jail.

  • #1256 Reply

    mitchell9

    I went to a school that had no real supervision for a few years.  Some of our teachers even allowed us to watch movies instead of learning. We had good teachers there, but even some of the good ones would teach us 3 or 4 days a week and then allow us to play or watch movies the other two days. I saw tons of stuff I never would have seen while I was going to that school including some stuff that was rated PG 13 and R when I was under 12. 

    My mother had no idea and I didn't even think to tell her.  I was also part of their after school program. Older men that came to the gym to play basketball were making passes at me all the time telling me when I grew up I would be really pretty. 

    In fact, a few years back, I was standing at a bus stop and a car stopped.  A man got out and told me, "I knew you would grow up to be beautiful."  I didn't recognize him at first and then I realized who he was.  He actually dated my friend's older sister.  He chatted with me for a minute and didn’t try to make a date with me or anything, but I couldn’t help but remember that the last time he saw me, I was only 12 years old and he was in his 20s or 30s then.  I actually dated an 18 year old during that time and I was only 11 or 12.

    You never know unless you work hard to find out what's going on in your kids' life.  I never consciously meant not to tell my mother about the lack of supervision in this school, I just didn't think to.  She eventually found out about the 18 year old guy because I was playing a record one day and she didn't know where I got it from.  I told her that my boyfriend gave it to me and he was going to be a rapper.  She asked me how old he was and I told her and she told me to break it off.  I was obedient, but still didn't realize how vulnerable I was at that school. 

    If you think that only women are vulnerable to older predators in a hidden way, think again.  My ex-boyfriend actually lost his virginity to a teacher.  There are those predators that are the ones you see on the news all the time, and there are also horrible people out there that get away with emotionally assaulting, influencing and molesting kids under the guise of convincing them they are real, loving boyfriend or a girlfriend, and parents may never figure out what’s going on in those cases.  Your child does not know how vulnerable he is either.  Only you do.

  • #1260 Reply

    crime @

    Preventing crime is important because many people get killed and also the people who do it can get arrested and put into jail. You have to be careful with crime.

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